November 10, 2012


Whiskey Tango Foxtrot
I've got some praise to get out there to the universe. Today I was in a car collision. It's not an accident, because, as we all learned from Simon Pegg in Hot Fuzz, an accident implies there's no one at fault. (it sounds better with the English accent)
"An accident implies there's no one at fault." You read that in his voice, didn't you?
No one was hurt, which is what I keep coming back to, and all told it wasn't a very terrible collision, other than neither of our cars being moveable. And it wasn't my fault at allllll. And I had a child with me. She's also perfectly fine. I was WAYYY more freaked out than she was. I was yelling, "Are you Okay?!?!?!!!!" and she's all sitting there, perfectly calm, "Yes, I okay." Completely oblivious to the drama that just occurred or the severely high level of adrenaline coursing through MY veins. Have some empathy, kid, geez.
Photo from a New York DMV PSA.
Seriously, the po-po got there and I was sitting with the bebe on a log that the honda had run over and perched on because the Jeep was both unmoveable and blocking the road, so I grabbed Kid and sat in the field. It was a very lovely day today, climate-wise. 
First thing that happens is the officer comes up to me and bebe and asks if I'm okay. I held up my hand that was shaking like a leaf on the wind and just said "adrenaline, but everything seems to be working fine."
No one was hurt. The cars both looked like absolute hell, but no one was hurt. 
I made it 15 months without so much as a scratch on that Jeep, and now this. 
That little Honda tried really hard to eat Harry's bumper, I think I conquered. 
So, you can see that The front bumper was taken nearly clean off, luckily, her car was littler than Harry so even though she started it, much like a small dog with a size complex, the bigger dog wins. 
See, just like this. But only if that dog turns around and backhands that cat across the room. 
So, I avoided talking to the woman that callously slammed into my sweet Harriet. And I spent 50 minutes of my life on the phone with a lovely woman from Geico and a horribly bitchy woman from Allstate. Count it out on your fingers folks, yeah, that's 10 minutes shy of an hour. And all of that just to be told that the name and/or address and/or policy number that she gave to the police didn't match Allstate's records. Gee. Thanks. And I didn't do anything wrong except go to Kohl's today. But everyone was okay. No one was hurt.
Oh right, except for Harry... after the collision.
I was just thinking about the Allstate commercials where the littel girl, and the hippie guy, and all of the other characters start talking in President Palmer's (from 24) voice. Don't worry, everyone, she's got an Allstate plan; yeah well, 'lot of good that did me.

Redeeming part

The police officer that was talking to me was super awesome. Like, seriously. If you're ever in volved in police activity in Hatboro PA, p/o Graham is the guy you want on your side. Kid was more worried about the police than the collision. She was legit concerned the nanosecond she saw flashing lights she panicked like a suburban kid with a dime bag.
The thug life chose me!
Seriously, I was telling her that "Police officers are our friends" like the shark guy on Finding Nemo. She kept repeating my words like a mantra, "police, friend. They Nice? Uh-huh. Police, friend." all the while, staring down any officer that got too close. What happened in Kid's life that made her scurred of the police? I bet every time one of her parents drove past a cop car they said, "shit! cops!" I totally do that, I like to believe that everyone does that when they drive past a cop car. I hope. 
....aaand, I'm back
Any-whooo, Officer Graham was super nice. Actually, every cop was really friendly and helpful. I should have a cute kid with me every time I have police interaction. Well, not every time. I mean, drunken M*A*S*H night might not be the best environment for a child. However, she was pretty handy today. You know, when this happened.
Actual photo from the scene. You don't ask for change! 
I should have taken the "H" symbol that fell off the car and framed it. That's not shady at all, right?

1 comment:

Amanda said...

Wow, what an event! I like your narrative and the pics...definitely makes a good story! Glad everyone was ok...everyone except Harry, I guess? :(