Arachnophobia

10 October. Evening. 
I feel I need to share this event with you, dear reader. 

I was house/cat sitting for my Dad and stepmom for the week while they lounged on the beach in sunny Costa Rica. 

Actual picture my Stepmom took of a gorgeous sunset in Costa Rica.

What the 50° weather felt like here in PA.

I'm not bitter about it. Obviously.

I came home Wednesday night (the 10th) from bible study to Casey batting at a dead spider. A HUGE dead spider. I was convinced it would awake and kill her so I put a paper towel over it, put on a rubber dish washing glove, and disposed of it. No bigs, right? Eff you. 

At 1:20 this morning, now Thursday, I noticed Casey-cat batting at a dark spot on the carpet. When I saw it was a huge brown spider, I (well,

 I screamed a bunch, then and throughout) I put a tissue over it, dropped a ceramic bowl on top of it, and checked, it was still alive. So I did the same and jumped in the bowl. Still alive. I removed the bowl and hit it (still with a tissue over it) with a glass. Still THE FUCK ALIVE.

So I replaced the tissue and hit it repeatedly with the glass, screaming the whole time. It died. I think. I put I in the empty hot sauce glass and put some water in it (in case it was faking, that bitch'll drown) and put it outside. 

I think I'm taking it to a pest control place tomorrow to see what it is. I'm doing this because I'm still up at 1:45 and am nowhere near asleep after spending 20 mins searching for 'large brown spiders in PA' and hyperventilatingd/crying/freaking out as I try to read the web results to see if they can come back and kill me in my sleep. 

What the picture doesn't show is that person died moments after this picture was taken.

I also checked to make sure demonspider#1 was still in the trash. It was. So there are two. At least. I'm strongly, STRONGLY considering sleeping in my car. 

#fml

In Hindsight...

I know that they were Wolf spiders. Spiders that, obviously, bred with Wolves. That picture I "borrowed" from the internet because I sure as hell wasn't going to search around that site to see copyright info, so sue me*, is an actual picture of a wolf spider. It is EXACTLY what the spiders at my dad's looked like. 

That's right, Demonic.

Wolf Spiders in their natural form.

*Seriously, please don't sue me.